Autism Assessment - Part 9: The Result

On 20 February, I received an email from Questa stating that they had reached an outcome and wanted to call me to discuss the assessment results. When I received that email, lots of emotions ran through my head; initially I was just really excited to finally get an answer, but then I felt incredibly anxious and a bit sick because I had been dealing with this situation of uncertainty for so long and I thought that if they said that I'm not Autistic, I would look like a fool and I wouldn't understand why I am the way I am. I was worried about looking like a fraud.

I was asked when would be the best time to call to discuss their outcome, so I said Monday, 23 February, because that was the first working day after Friday, 20, and I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to. Before I got the email asking when would be the best time to call, I didn't know whether they were going to email me the results or do it via phone call.

I wrote most of this between the first assessment and the moment I had the last phone call to confirm the diagnoses, so I had points where I couldn’t write anything at all. Writing helps me process everything, and although I was about 98 per cent sure that I knew what the result would be, not knowing the end result for certain meant I couldn't conclude my series. At that point, I felt like I was in limbo!

From Friday 20 February, I felt incredibly nervous, and all I could think about was the results of the assessments. I kept going over every possible outcome there could be. One of my friends suddenly messaged me out of the blue, so I told her that I had the assessments and I was about to get the results. She said that we both knew what the outcome would be. I thought about that for a few minutes and realised that she was probably right, so I stopped worrying about it so much.

That Sunday evening, I was still nervous, but I also felt excited to be so close to knowing why I’m different to other people. I was hopefully going to get some answers that I’ve longed for for years!

On Monday, 23 February, I was due to have the phonecall to confirm the diagnosis at 12 noon as organised via email… My mum received a phone call from them earlier that morning, and they wanted to do the diagnosis there and then, but I wasn't with my mum at the time, so the woman said that she would phone back at 12.

My mum and dad were coming down anyway to bridge the gap between my live-in carers, and I'm so glad that they were there because it wasn't as simple as just a phone call…

I was waiting for the call for ages and in the end, my mum had to phone them. We couldn’t get through to them at all, so I emailed them and explained the situation. I was checking my emails every two minutes…  Whilst I was waiting for them to phone, I was climbing the walls with anxiety! It was extremely bad of them to keep me waiting like that. That day was incredibly stressful because I didn’t know whether they would phone or not. If I could walk, I would have been pacing around my flat!

When the phone finally rang, I took a deep breath as my mum pressed the answer button. I think we were only on the phone for about five or ten minutes, and I spent half of that crying because it was such a relief. The poor woman on the phone must have been worried that I was upset! I was diagnosed as Autistic. I managed to compose myself enough to ask the person what happens next. They said that they would put together all my information into a document and send it to me in an email.