Is There Life After College?

June 8, 2019

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Why does life always go so incredibly fast? As I live my college life out, I'm getting more and more scared of what's to come next. The logical part of my mind is telling me not to worry, and that I will be fine, but the other part is going off on a tangent. I am scared stiff about what may happen when I leave, but I can't even talk about it without having a meltdown. It's ridiculous!


There I was talking to one of my best friends, somebody I've known for more than a decade, and telling her not to hide her feelings, but I have done the same... When one of us finally tells the other what they are really feeling, it turns out that the other is feeling exactly the same. This is what happened on Thursday. I have known all this year that it is my last year at college, but it's starting to sink further into both of our heads now, and I think it's freaking us both out at the same rate now. 


I just cannot afford to lose her because she is my rock! She is simply amazing! She has been there for me when I have needed her the most. She doesn't even care if I accidentally whack her. She accepts me for who I am. She helps to lift my spirits when I am feeling low. She encourages me to keep going, no matter what.


Since I was in year 8 and she was in year 7, we have been completely inseparable. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without her, and I know that she is part of the reason I am here today. She helps me through so much, and she knows me so well. There have been times when I was on the edge, and she helped me through. We have fought like cat and dog, we have gone off in opposite directions feeling angry and upset with each other. In the end, we always make up (with a lot of tears).


If I need to have a rant, she's there. If I need a hug, she's there. If I need a shoulder to cry on, she's there. Literary, if I need her for whatever reason, and even if it's the tiniest, little thing, she will be there for me, and of cause I will be there for her as well... I seriously don't know what I would do without her. 

I love her so much, and it breaks my heart to see her upset. I just wish she had told me before. Amber is like a sister to me, and she means the world to me! We can work through this together, and I promise that I will always be there. 


Thank you for everything, Amber.


Education - school and college have been a huge part of my life, and now that it is coming to an end, I am so immensely scared but can't really explain why. Not even by writing it down. - That's how worried I am - I'm petrified! I think the reason why I am so scared is because college has given me so much; lessons for life, confidence, friendships, and a lot more. At the moment, I am trying my best to find a porpoise, other than campaigning. I know I have to have one, but what, I don't know. I will miss the consistency as well. 


Yes, I have managed to get myself a job, but I'm starting to doubt my writing ability. I know that I can write, and I know that I shouldn't doubt myself, but I am worrying that I may not be good enough. When I think about it logically, I know that I am fairly good at writing, but I do struggle to think about what I can write sometimes. - That's why I go weeks without writing a blog post sometimes. I am fine when I see or hear something that annoys me because I seem to be able to write a huge amount, but when I'm not so passionate about it, I find it difficult to write a lot. That's my main worry about this job. It's kind of like freelance blogging, but the difference is that I will be doing it for someone else other than myself, so I don't want to let them down. 


I know that I will be limited throughout my life, which makes me angry with myself and the world around me. I know that I shouldn't, but I get extremely angry when I see other people, who seem to be more capable than me just sitting around doing nothing! I know that it is their life, and I can't make them do anything, but it still annoys me. I even envy other people who are moving on well in their lives because I would love to do whatever they can, but I know that I can't because of my disability. I know that I can't be the only one who feels this way, but I feel like I am. This is my reality; I'm living in a world that is not equipped or set up for people like me. 


Well, there you have it, these are in the centre of my thoughts at the moment. I don't know what my life will bring after college, but I hope I can make it a good one. 

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