ASD, CP and Mental Health (Part 6)

When we queried the effects of the medication with the doctor, they told us to stop the medicine immediately, just as the pharmacist said. They said that other medicines of this type are likely to have the same kind of effect. When it was explained to me, it made a lot of sense… Anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drugs work to correct the chemical imbalance in the brain and as my brain is damaged, the medicine had a negative effect on my brain, making my involuntary movements worse – I think this is due to the signals being scrambled. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that my brain is completely and utterly screwed (I won’t repeat what I said to my two friends).

However, when the doctor rang up to check how I was doing, he said that I could try other types of medication and he said the opposite; he said that others may not have the same effect. So, now that I have two different answers, I am completely confused.

Knowing what I know now about my brain and these drugs makes me enormously frustrated and angry with myself because I can’t see a way out. Even if I have a few good days, the bad thoughts are always in the back of my mind; sometimes they’re yelling and sometimes they’re whispering, but I can’t remember a day when I felt “normal” now, and that sucks! It wouldn't be so bad if I could make sense of it all, but it doesn't make any sense to me... There are days when I hate myself, and I can’t understand why everyone likes me. However, I do my best to see the light at the end of the tunnel and live my life to the best of my ability. I know there are people I matter to, and they mean everything to me.

Even though I probably can’t take meds for my mental health, in June, I found something else that helps my mental health, as well as walking… You may remember that I wrote a post about my walking goals and achievements in May, I have also adapted some gym and yoga exercises to fit my capabilities. The more I do this, the more I can see a difference in my muscles. I need to work a bit more on my core, arm and shoulder strength, but this is something that I’m proud of and I intend to carry on with this because it seems to be helping me a lot!

Come back tomorrow for Part 7.