ASD, CP and Mental Health (Part 4)

In May I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. As I said in the beginning, I knew that I had mental health issues from the age of 16 or 17, but I thought that it was temporary. I thought and hoped that it was just because of teething problems relating to major changes in my life, like transitioning from school to college, but I couldn’t have been further from the truth…

In the last few months, my mental health has become a lot worse. Probably a combination of things happening in the world and just life in general, but I’m not sure why. It is what it is I guess… I said something that I’m not proud of because I was so overwhelmed and didn’t know how else to handle the situation that I was in. I just felt like the walls were coming in on me. I was being bombarded with constant complaints, which wasn’t quiet either. I tried to remain calm and I tried to reason with this person, but she wasn’t having any of it… I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. I felt like I had no way out and I was suffocating! I couldn’t take it anymore, so I lost it completely; I told her to F off.

After the initial event was over, I phoned my mum in tears; I couldn’t even get my words out to explain what was happening. Honestly, it all blew up so fast that I think adrenalin took over for some time because I couldn’t remember exactly what led up to it until a few hours later, and even days after the event, I remembered more details. It was horrible!

Everyone says that they’re proud of me for sticking up for myself, but I only did what I did because I wasn’t having someone talk about my friend like that and I couldn’t take it anymore! I was pushed too far, and I blew… It was that day when I realised that I needed serious help…

I had already asked my mum to help me contact the doctor about my mental health because I could feel myself breaking down more each day, but after that traumatic event, I knew that I couldn’t go on like that. Even though everyone has reassured me that I did the right thing, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could have handled the situation better. However, a couple of months later, I realised that I had done the right thing because I probably wouldn’t have been able to shut this girl up if I hadn’t.

Anyway, a few days after this happened, I had a video consultation with the doctor. I told her about what was going on and I was prescribed a dissolvable medication for Anxiety and Depression called Sertraline. As I can’t swallow tablets because of my CP, I always have to have liquid form of whatever medication I need, and this particular medication came as tablets which needed to be dissolved in a particular amount of water. I took this medicine once a day for about two weeks.

At first, I didn’t notice any difference, but with each day I took it, my involuntary movements became steadily worse until my arms were completely uncontrollable, even when I tried to hold them in between my legs, which I usually do to fix my arms in one place when I need to control my movements. I couldn’t even do this. My head was jerking everywhere, I couldn’t get my words out; I was moving my mouth but all that came out were garbled noises. My legs were incredibly stiff, and I had very little control over them, which is extremely unusual for me. Even using my computer was impossible at times… I was afraid to move out of my seat because my balance was completely shot!

Come back tomorrow for Part 5.