Barriers to Communication: Part 2

I have always struggled with recognising facial expressions. Some people say that I am good at reading facial expressions, but I’m not really because I only know simple facial expressions by studying different people in different situations; for example, if something annoying is happening and the person’s face doesn’t look happy, then I know that they’re probably angry or something, but I can’t figure out why, even if I have caused it. Before I started putting two and two together about ASD, I always assumed that it was due to my lack of life experiences because of my physical disability, but when I noticed that I was missing more and more social cues, especially since I have lived with a live-in carer, I knew that there was more to it…

Unless it is in-your-face obvious, I have been known to carry on as normal when I’ve upset or made someone angry because I haven’t realised. When this happens, people withdraw from communicating with me, and it’s only then that I realise that something’s wrong… I then ask the person if they’re ok, but sometimes they are afraid to tell me what’s wrong, so they tell me that everything is fine… This is where I get incredibly confused and upset because I don’t know what to do, say or how to react.

On the other hand, I don’t have control much over my facial expressions, so it is difficult for the person communicating with me too. I can’t accurately feel and control what my face is doing, and I may be happy but my face is telling a different story. I may look unhappy or furious from looking at my face, but I could be totally fine.

As well as facial expressions, I also struggle with body language. As I can’t control my body very well, I would guess that my body language can be quite difficult to read if you don’t know me well. I would say that even if you have known me for a while, sometimes people make mistakes in reading my body language. I can’t read other people’s body language, even if someone makes a change in their position, other people would pick up on that and might be able to tell what that person is thinking or feeling just by the way their body is, whereas I would struggle with that.

I don’t even know when I’m giving something away through my body language. There was one time when I was doing a weekly shop to replace food that had to be thrown out because my freezer got left open by accident, I was going fast around the shop because I didn’t like the noise and crowds… When we got to the checkout, I couldn’t handle the different sounds and pitches of all the different checkouts as well as the noise from all the people, so to minimise sensory stimuli and stress, I put my head down and looked at my knees as much as possible… My live-in carer could tell that something was wrong, but I said that I was ok to avoid having a meltdown in the middle of the shop… When we had finished, I headed for the exit as quickly as possible, and when we were out, I breathed a huge sigh of relief… I then asked my carer how she knew that I wasn’t ok, and it was my body language that gave it away.

Another thing that I struggle with when I’m communicating with someone is eye contact. It is socially acceptable to look at someone and make eye contact with the person who you are talking to, but I find eye contact extremely uncomfortable and awkward. I can’t explain why though… It’s probably to do with the ASD. In formal situations, I have to force myself to maintain eye contact, although I have a pretty good excuse and reason not to, because my head and eyes move around involuntarily due to my CP, so I guess I’m lucky in that respect… Having said that though, now that I have written this, I bet it will come back to bite me on the bum, but I hope not because I really do struggle, both physically and socially.

Come back tomorrow for Part 3…